Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
