i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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