we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize