my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
