I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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