dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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