I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
