I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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