I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
