Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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