She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
