OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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