4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I cannot find my penis.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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