There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
