Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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