I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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