probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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