Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
