She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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