You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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