Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have demons in me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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