Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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