When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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