She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize