what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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