I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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