I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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