Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
