you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize