conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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