my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Congratulations! We have a period
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