im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
