My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
