the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
