i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
