Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
