he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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