wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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