When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
