The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
