Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
