So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she looked like the before picture.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
