i just wanna soil my oats bro
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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