If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you had me at cake vodka
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
