I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
