The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
