who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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