So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
