Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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