It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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