Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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