How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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