I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
