just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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