The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
