Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
