I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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