Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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