I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
