Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
