Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
