her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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