I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize