Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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