I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
