So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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