1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
