he wants to bone in the snuggie
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This house was built for laser tag.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
