hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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