i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want to fling myself into the sun
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
