so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
