So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
