i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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