I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
