i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
