At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize