she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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