I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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