my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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