i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i think my cat just said my name.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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