The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just found a bag of teeth...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
