i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
