A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
