he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
