The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
