I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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