Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
