I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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