you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
