I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
