Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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