chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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