I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
