Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
