We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
