I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
